kunstlercast.com
THE KUNSTLERCAST BOOK
NOW SHIPPING (U.S. Only)
$13 + tax, shipping and handling
Also at Amazon
Or Shop Indie Bookstores*
*(price varies)
For Canada, Buy Here
For all else, check online.
 
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?
June 28, 2017, 06:18:27 AM

Login with username, password and session length
Search:     Advanced search
73824 Posts in 6745 Topics by 14150 Members
Latest Member: wayedcomfy1
* Home Help Search Login Register
+  kunstlercast.com
|-+  General Category
| |-+  General Discussion (Moderators: carstars, Innocent Byproduct)
| | |-+  Excerpts from my post-oil dystopian novel
« previous next »
Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 16 Print
Author Topic: Excerpts from my post-oil dystopian novel  (Read 37032 times)
Innocent Byproduct
Moderator
Hero Member
*****
Posts: 1819



View Profile
« on: May 18, 2009, 09:52:09 PM »

Hi guys,

I got permission from Duncan to share some of my post-oil novel. It's called American Crude. If anyone wants to give me feedback, please feel free.
____________________________
____________________________


::ETA::

The latest chapters are found at these links. (Some link to my Blogspot blog,
some to other posts in this exact thread.)


Main page for my Blogspot blog called "Hitting Peak"

American Crude - Chapter 1 --- (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 2-a - (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 2-b - (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 2-c - (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 3 --- (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 4-a - (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 4-b - (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 4-c - (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 5-a - (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 5-b - (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 5-c - (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 6-a - (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 6-b - (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 6-c - (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 6-d - (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 6-e - (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 6-f - (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 7 --- (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 8-a - (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 8-b - (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 8-c - (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 9-a - (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 9-b - (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 9-c - (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 9-d - (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 9-e - (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 9-f - (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 10 - (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 11 - (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 12 - (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 13 - (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 14 - (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 15 - (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 16 - (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 17 - (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 18 - (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 19 - (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 20 - (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 21 - (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 22 - (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 23 - (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 24 - (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 25 - (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 26 - (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 27 - (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 28 - (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 29 - (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 30 - (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 31 - (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 32 - (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 33 - (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)
American Crude - Chapter 34 - (currently at Blogger/Blogspot)


NEW!! Monday, August 17, 2009
American Crude - Chapter 35 - (currently in this thread)
American Crude - Chapter 36 - (currently in this thread)





Comments at my blog have been disabled, so if --after reading any portions
of the novel-- you want to comment, you will need to backtrack here again
and make your comments in this thread.

____________________________
____________________________






Here's what I'm looking for in your critiques ...........

I am NOT a whimp about feedback. Two years ago I was indeed very insecure about my writing and my ego was quite fragile when it came to feedback. I've since gotten over that and have learned that steady shovel fulls of nicey-nice in peer review sessions is mostly pretty useless when it comes to the preferred task of honing down a manuscript to the point of actual professionalism. While I'm not asking for anyone here to come up with creative insults, I am asking you to helpl me via clear and helpful guidance with the following:


1) Where exactly was the precise spot where you got bored and really couldn't be bothered to read it anymore?   
2) Was there any specific paragraph (or more) where I prattled on for too long on one particular topic and bogged things down too much? 
3) Does any of the dialogue feel fake or trite or unbelievable?
4) Did I get any factual stuff wrong in my research?
5) Is it predictable? Is my foreshadowing too "on the nose"? Is anything cliche? Have you seen ANY of this before in another manuscript or movie, thus making specific pieces of it --or even the whole blessed thing-- nothing but one huge steaming pile of derivativeness (sometimes called a re-hash, or called a re-packaging, or even called a rip-off)?


I have already run this by other writers on another message board elsewhere -- a message board JUST for writers. And some of those writers are actual published professionals whose works sell as Barnes & Noble. And I did get lots of good feedback there and I was able to tweak things up quite a bit with their awesome suggestions. Meanwhile, I want to run this by you guys as well simply because you guys are the intended audience of this novel: true Peak Oilers! So you have insights that they would not.

So .... here it is. And thanks for the read. As Jason Blumenthal of Escape Artists once said "The hardest thing for a writer is just getting your work read by someone." So I do appreciate the read, guys.


WARNING: Some adult content. It hovers around an MPAA ratings equivalent of a PG-13, barely brushing up against a full blown R rating.  To be more specific, (using the lingo of the MPAA) there is some usage of "strong language," some "scenes of brief yet intense peril" and also some "overt sexual language." But I can assure you there's no "malicious violence," no "scenes of graphic goriness", nor anything akin to what the MPAA creatively dubbed "stylized fighting" after the first Matrix movie was shown to them. Wink



« Last Edit: August 22, 2009, 07:16:41 PM by Innocent Byproduct » Logged

"This is an emergency far worse than World War I and World War II put together." --Sir Richard Branson

"The airlines in this sector are really the canaries in the coal mine." --J Kunstler

"This is the first scenario I've seen where I question the survivability of mankind." --R Rainwater
Innocent Byproduct
Moderator
Hero Member
*****
Posts: 1819



View Profile
« Reply #1 on: May 18, 2009, 09:54:05 PM »

(Hmmm.... having formatting difficulties. Please bear with me.)


Success!!!


All four posts below add up to 4600 words.






... ... ... ... ... ................................................................. AMERICAN CRUDE


... ... ... ... ................................................................... A Novel of the Coming Post-Oil Collapse








... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ................................................................ by


... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ............................................................. Innocent Byproduct



::EDIT::

I have deleted this excerpt to cut back on the amount of band-width I am taking with this novel and thus make room for the NEXT excerpt to be posted further down-thread. If you wish to read this now-deleted excerpt, I have a freshly-edited version of it in my blog called Hitting Peak at this link here. The comments section of the blog has been disabled. So if you wish to comment, please do so here in this thread. Thanks.







« Last Edit: May 21, 2009, 04:39:35 AM by Innocent Byproduct » Logged

"This is an emergency far worse than World War I and World War II put together." --Sir Richard Branson

"The airlines in this sector are really the canaries in the coal mine." --J Kunstler

"This is the first scenario I've seen where I question the survivability of mankind." --R Rainwater
Innocent Byproduct
Moderator
Hero Member
*****
Posts: 1819



View Profile
« Reply #2 on: May 18, 2009, 09:54:37 PM »

Here's the next piece ...




::EDIT::

I have deleted this excerpt to cut back on the amount of band-width I am taking with this novel and thus make room for the NEXT excerpt to be posted further down-thread. If you wish to read this now-deleted excerpt, I have a freshly-edited version of it in my blog called Hitting Peak at this link here. The comments section of the blog has been disabled. So if you wish to comment, please do so here in this thread. Thanks.






 
« Last Edit: May 21, 2009, 04:42:14 AM by Innocent Byproduct » Logged

"This is an emergency far worse than World War I and World War II put together." --Sir Richard Branson

"The airlines in this sector are really the canaries in the coal mine." --J Kunstler

"This is the first scenario I've seen where I question the survivability of mankind." --R Rainwater
Innocent Byproduct
Moderator
Hero Member
*****
Posts: 1819



View Profile
« Reply #3 on: May 18, 2009, 09:55:00 PM »

The third chunk.




::EDIT::

I have deleted this excerpt to cut back on the amount of band-width I am taking with this novel and thus make room for the NEXT excerpt to be posted further down-thread. If you wish to read this now-deleted excerpt, I have a freshly-edited version of it in my blog called Hitting Peak at this link here. The comments section of the blog has been disabled. So if you wish to comment, please do so here in this thread. Thanks.

« Last Edit: May 21, 2009, 04:44:16 AM by Innocent Byproduct » Logged

"This is an emergency far worse than World War I and World War II put together." --Sir Richard Branson

"The airlines in this sector are really the canaries in the coal mine." --J Kunstler

"This is the first scenario I've seen where I question the survivability of mankind." --R Rainwater
Innocent Byproduct
Moderator
Hero Member
*****
Posts: 1819



View Profile
« Reply #4 on: May 18, 2009, 09:55:47 PM »

And here's the last bit. And this will be the end of the first two chapters of my novel in its current incarnation.

Sorry -- No "scenes of intense peril" yet. (That comes later. Wink )






::EDIT::

I have deleted this excerpt to cut back on the amount of band-width I am taking with this novel and thus make room for the NEXT excerpt to be posted further down-thread. If you wish to read this now-deleted excerpt, I have a freshly-edited version of it in my blog called Hitting Peak at this link here. The comments section of the blog has been disabled. So if you wish to comment, please do so here in this thread. Thanks.

« Last Edit: May 21, 2009, 04:45:33 AM by Innocent Byproduct » Logged

"This is an emergency far worse than World War I and World War II put together." --Sir Richard Branson

"The airlines in this sector are really the canaries in the coal mine." --J Kunstler

"This is the first scenario I've seen where I question the survivability of mankind." --R Rainwater
Andy R
Hero Member
*****
Posts: 2163



View Profile
« Reply #5 on: May 19, 2009, 02:18:58 AM »

Great start to a book I can't wait to finish IB!
The character development is superb, and the plot is engaging so far.

The only thing i can possibly find fault with is the part where he's got a hard on in anticipation of his meeting. I understand the sentiment, having been there my self, but it doesn't really happen that way for most grown men. Something like that is more apt to occur at age 13, when we'll take the zero rather than step up to the chalkboard to show our work in Miss Turner's Algebra class, if you get my drift. Roll Eyes

Do you already have a conclusion in mind, or is this going to sort of write itself as the chapters unfold?

I really think you've got something good here.
Logged

“The majestic equality of the law forbids the rich as well as the poor to sleep under bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.”
Anatole France
Innocent Byproduct
Moderator
Hero Member
*****
Posts: 1819



View Profile
« Reply #6 on: May 19, 2009, 03:41:34 AM »

Great start to a book I can't wait to finish IB!
The character development is superb, and the plot is engaging so far.

The only thing i can possibly find fault with is the part where he's got a hard on in anticipation of his meeting. I understand the sentiment, having been there my self, but it doesn't really happen that way for most grown men. Something like that is more apt to occur at age 13, when we'll take the zero rather than step up to the chalkboard to show our work in Miss Turner's Algebra class, if you get my drift. Roll Eyes

Do you already have a conclusion in mind, or is this going to sort of write itself as the chapters unfold?

I really think you've got something good here.

Thanks, Andy. Smiley Your kudos are very helpful. And your complaint is also very helpful. I have just one question -- was there NO point at which your eyes glazed over and things got boring?




Meanwhile, let's talk about men having hard-ons (if that's okay wth Duncan  Grin).

My attempt to try and capture an accurate sense of the male animal seems to be proving inadequate here in this writing sample. Wink Oh well! Back to the drawing board, eh? I admit I chose to read a few hard boiled noir-esque novels told in First Person to help me get a sense of the inner thoughts that men might harbor in their regard of females. And plenty of those hard-boiled novels had their MC's confessing to hard-ons during those momemts when they encountered certain females, so I assumed I was in the correct neighborhood with that portion, but maybe not, eh? Wink Meanwhile, I perhaps need also to consider that since my novel is NOT a true-blue hard-boil nior the way Altered Carbon is, it might very well be that I am barking up the wrong tree in my quest for authenticity in my MC (my main character). If that passage doesn't fit the tone of the rest of the novel, then I probably need to either tone down the I-had-a-hard-on aspect of that (otherwise) very crucial paragraph, or else cut that sentence out entirely. Tone is pretty much EVERYTHING in a novel, and an uneven tone can be jarring and off-putting. So I definitely need to address that passage if it's proving to be not only inaccurate as far as what the male member beyond adolecense is apt to do, but also perhaps ill-fitting with the rest of the story's tone.



Do I have a conclusion?? Yes, I do. Smiley But regrettably, it's the intricate unfolding of this story and its eventual arrival at that exact ending that prompted me to write this as a novel instead of as a screenplay. The whole story is just so huge and so sprawlingly long that when I attempted to outline it as a screenplay it was coming out to a ridiculous 15 hours of screentime. So at that point I neeed to re-think it as a novel. Switching from screenplay format to novel format is a real brain-buster and it wasn't easy, but I think I'm geting the hang of it. (One of the biggest and most crucial differences is that screenplays are about motion and action but novels are about internal thoughts and ponderings.) Here I am unfolding everything very slowly, and the first truly exciting thing in this story doesn't happen until about the 15,000 word mark. (At the moment these first two chapters are merely 4,600 words, so there's a ways to go before we hit my first "scenes of intense peril.")  And then when I usher in the events of my collapse (and I intend to portray a rapid collapse, and hopefully it will be a believable portrayal), that event won't be happening until perhaps the 40,000 word mark.



Thanks for the feedback, Andy. It's much appreciated.  Cool






Logged

"This is an emergency far worse than World War I and World War II put together." --Sir Richard Branson

"The airlines in this sector are really the canaries in the coal mine." --J Kunstler

"This is the first scenario I've seen where I question the survivability of mankind." --R Rainwater
carwood
Guest
« Reply #7 on: May 19, 2009, 03:49:12 AM »

I got lost on the first chapter.  Not sure which wife is referred to or what is going on there.

But the second chapter I got intrigued.  It is unusual to have the main character be a blue collar workman (for all his small business attire!) and all that such a life entails with the technology of the craft and the laws that affect that craft.  So I think this is new and very interesting.  So I am hooked!  You either have to allow us to read it in full or get it published!  Don't leave us hanging hear?
Logged
Innocent Byproduct
Moderator
Hero Member
*****
Posts: 1819



View Profile
« Reply #8 on: May 19, 2009, 04:38:14 AM »

I got lost on the first chapter.  Not sure which wife is referred to or what is going on there.

But the second chapter I got intrigued.  It is unusual to have the main character be a blue collar workman (for all his small business attire!) and all that such a life entails with the technology of the craft and the laws that affect that craft.  So I think this is new and very interesting.  So I am hooked!  You either have to allow us to read it in full or get it published!  Don't leave us hanging hear?

Thanks, carwood.

If you got lost in the first chapter, then I need to retool it. Truthfully, the first chapter was originally about three paragraphs longer than what it is now. But in my effort to trim trim trim, I seem to have cut a little bit TOO much from that chapter and thus robbed it of its clarity, and so you got lost.  So that is my fault right there and I need to address it.

But you liked the second chapter? Good to hear! I will try to provide more soon. But in order to spare poor Duncan, perhaps I need to start posting the rest in my blog and then linking it back here for you guys. (Now what is the password to my blog? I haven't posted in months!)

Yes, a blue collar hero is a little rare. And a plumber as a hero is (so far as I know) utterly unheard of. So originality is certainly the goal here. I was trying to pick a profession that would have a logical connection to oil, and for the purposes of the story the occupation of plumber worked the best. I actually interviewed a real life plumber to get a lot of this information about his profession. He's the one who told me about September's pre-heating maintenance, and furthermore he very adamantly insisted to me that a good plumber would not violate the law and do under-the-table work. So to appease my interview subject I had to come up with a plot twist to MAKE my MC (my main character) be willing to break the law and do an under-the-table job. So there is serious research behind this novel. I especially liked that fact that in my research I discovered that plumbers are considered among the least sexy professionals in the eyes of American women, and they are literally seen as a buffoonish and uncouth charicature-- living cartoons who only ever serve as comic relief. So I had to take extra care to try and craft my fictional plumber in such a way as to make him a real person with belevable sex appeal.



So far I am not hearing anyone say they found it unreadable. No one is saying "right here is where I lost interest." Or even "right here is where things got a little weak." I'm not compalining. I just need to identify the soft spots and tighten them up.


Thanks for the read, carwood. Cool






Logged

"This is an emergency far worse than World War I and World War II put together." --Sir Richard Branson

"The airlines in this sector are really the canaries in the coal mine." --J Kunstler

"This is the first scenario I've seen where I question the survivability of mankind." --R Rainwater
Andy R
Hero Member
*****
Posts: 2163



View Profile
« Reply #9 on: May 19, 2009, 01:15:58 PM »

I never lost interest at any point.

The first wife/second wife thing - -I quickly came to the conclusion that neither wife was in the picture, except that first wife was mother of his son, so he still had to deal with her.

Not really sure where second wife was relevant, except perhaps as background info.

Did i understatnd correctly?
Logged

“The majestic equality of the law forbids the rich as well as the poor to sleep under bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.”
Anatole France
Innocent Byproduct
Moderator
Hero Member
*****
Posts: 1819



View Profile
« Reply #10 on: May 19, 2009, 01:52:10 PM »

I never lost interest at any point.

The first wife/second wife thing - -I quickly came to the conclusion that neither wife was in the picture, except that first wife was mother of his son, so he still had to deal with her.

Not really sure where second wife was relevant, except perhaps as background info.

Did i understatnd correctly?

Yes and no.

His first wife is the mother of his son. His second wife is Mystery Lady and he is here explaining how he first met her.

Again, I guess I was being too brief on some things, so I need to tighten them up.

This is exactly the kind of feedback that helps hone down a novel into something that's actualy publishable. Smiley

Logged

"This is an emergency far worse than World War I and World War II put together." --Sir Richard Branson

"The airlines in this sector are really the canaries in the coal mine." --J Kunstler

"This is the first scenario I've seen where I question the survivability of mankind." --R Rainwater
billonions
Hero Member
*****
Posts: 3529



View Profile
« Reply #11 on: May 19, 2009, 02:33:09 PM »

  Nice set up...yeah I do detect the ol' film noir Mickey Spillane/Dash Hammett thing.

  I like Dash Hammett.

At any rate, you've made the hero likable, yet he's got an edge to him, a risk taker, willing to bend the rules if he has to and doesn't dwell on it other than the practical aspects.  That's a guy thing, rational risk taking.  It's also a guy thing to go with "Fortune Favors the Brave."

  I do know men who have a fractious relationship with the 'ex', but they tend to have given up on conversation, especially the kind that involves justification.  Perhaps the one bonus of breakups is no longer having to 'explain' rather than state.  It would be more like "Whadya want."  "What... and this means?"  "So, it's the friggin city, besides rats are everywhere, you got 'em (wherever)."  "Whatever, I'll look after this, beside it not what your really trying to get at ain' it."

  Tone begets tone, like two dogs with their ruff up and eyeing each other up.
  The call would end, unsatisfactory, for both, with a silent 'Bitch' on his part and 'Bastard' on hers.  In the old days the hero would have "choked a couple of Luckies back" to calm his anger, perhaps longing for a smoke would be be more modern.  Guilt and regret and anger....

  I like the detail about trying to juggle finances...it gives depth to the element of risk and puts him in the passive state with the mystery women.  Kinda like Sam Spade, knowing the "Doll" was trouble, "the pieces just weren't adding up" but "the Landlord could add well enough, and all he'd been gettin' lately was minuses."

  As far as the boner thing, well it's not how we function. What you wrote would be true, not so much in uncertain anticipation but in certainty.  All it would take would be a light brush of the fingers on his hand as she was making an unrelated point, or to emphasize a point.  She dropped her hand, laying her fingers lightly on the back of my hand and looked me in the eye,  "I need discretion, it's all about privacy."  Then have her pull her hand back and finish her statement.  This would totally confuse and daze 90% of guys.  The heart would be racing, bells ringing, the room would shrink, it would get hotter and the pants may very well...um, grow tighter in certain spots.  It would also be a power thing, on the part of the women and our hero could be picking up a completely different vibe as well.  Sexual hunger and fear.

  The beauty of of the written story is it allows for complexity and development, so there is no reason that your character can't have a strong sexual nature expressed physically.  Particularly if he's been in a long period of non-sex.

Keep at it, you're writing the thing so I hope you don't feel I'm giving too much information.  Pulling you away from your intent and character. Look forward to more.
Logged

What now!
Innocent Byproduct
Moderator
Hero Member
*****
Posts: 1819



View Profile
« Reply #12 on: May 19, 2009, 03:38:43 PM »

Thanks, Bill. Smiley

Meanwhile, your insights into the CHANGING dynamics of a man's interactions with his ex is very helpful also. I'm at a severe disadvantage not only from being a woman but also from never having been married myself. So the point of view of a divorced man is defintely a challenge for me here.

As for Mickey Spillane--I admire the jaded tone and the dark cleverness a TRUE noir, but I don't know if I could ever write one with a straight face. So I want to stress that I am only trying to do nothng more than merely BORROW threads of such a novel. If you feel these mere threads of Mickey Spillane are enough, then I will have achieved my goal. I also seek in the midst of all this to try and maintain the integrity of my own voice, and also uphold the consistency of my MC's voice.

I'm glad you liked the financial pain my MC is suffering. When I interviewed my real life plumber, he said there's almost no way a half decent plumber would ever truly be broke regardless of how bad the economy might get because (as he said) "everybody needs toilets." So he said I would have to stack the deck very high against my MC to realistically paint a picture of true financial desperation.

As for your discusion of the boner thing--your own commenet is perhaps the most helpful to date. I think I've got (no pun intended) a handle on the hard-on situation now. I will definietly rewrite it. Meanwhile I want to apologize to every last male on the face of the Earth for my misunderstanding of that. But, in my partial defense, I will simply quote the dumbstruck words uttered by Elaine from Seinfeld: "How do you guys walk around with those things?"

I will soon be retweaking everything via all of this terrific feedback.




Logged

"This is an emergency far worse than World War I and World War II put together." --Sir Richard Branson

"The airlines in this sector are really the canaries in the coal mine." --J Kunstler

"This is the first scenario I've seen where I question the survivability of mankind." --R Rainwater
billonions
Hero Member
*****
Posts: 3529



View Profile
« Reply #13 on: May 19, 2009, 04:20:24 PM »

Chuckle...

  The answer is that we're still working on it but sometimes it's hard....

Handy people are always figuring out how to make it work, the world will always need plumbers because even with nothing to plumb, they have still spent time on how to put two and two together in a real and physical sense.  They are physically familiar with tools, how to use physical effort in an endeavor, as in how much force to put on a nut to loosen it from a bolt with out stripping it.  They also know what to do if it does strip.  It's a form of literacy so to speak, an ability to read and comprehend a hands on problem.

  When I work on things I 'see' the the solution, and the steps involved.

  I remember when I first tried to build things.  While I knew what I wanted, the act of doing was fraught with the unknown, and as such became a long voyage of discovery.  Learning what a nail will do and not do meant several rather rickety projects before, with the help of others, I got it. Watching others follow the same path, while frustrating, also reminds me that once I was as they and thus the power of a few choice words and actions reveals a whole universe of possibilities, rather than plausibilities that may return little for effort expended.  This you would understand very well as a writer.  It's a very similar process in a way.

 
"A session in the céilidh-house would usually begin with polite inquiries as to how everyone's family and relatives were doing and move on to everyday news. After these formalities, the real storytelling could begin. Guests were especially fortunate if the céilidh was attended or hosted by a sgeulaiche, an exceptional storyteller who would be well versed in sgeulachdan. These are full length, elaborate tales which could sometimes take several evenings to tell."

http://www.virtualmuseum.ca/Exhibitions/Ceilidh/html/storytelling_readexhibittext.html

  When I first started to work in the Mill, the older guys could listen, a few of them could tell fantastic stories.  Whiling away midnight downtime while listening to tales of bush pilots and bush mysteries, of hearing long histories of local characters, some long dead, some still vibrant, and some in a state of decrepitude, all in a 'and so it came to pass' mode was a world that opened for me.  Sometimes it would be a circle of tales, everyone would get a chance to contribute to the theme, sometimes it would be 'old so and so' who would have an endless supply of stories.

 We still do it today, 'cept I'm the 'old' guy now.

The world will always need story tellers, and a good tale teller will be happily fed by plumbers.
Logged

What now!
luciddreams
Hero Member
*****
Posts: 1819


http://emtmusings.blogspot.com/


View Profile WWW
« Reply #14 on: May 19, 2009, 06:39:58 PM »

IB, you are an excellent writer.  Your descriptions breath life into the story.  For me, a book is like a mental movie.  While I read I invision what the characters look like, what the environtment looks like so on so on...and the better the story the less work I have to do in that regard.  The better the words are put together the more I can just lay back and go for the intended ride of the author.  The world you are crafting is very visual to the point of almost 3 dimensions.  I'm not blowing smoke up your ass either.  I don't "jack people off" as Carlin would say.  I to write, and so I know what you are up against.  It seems that you edit as you go more than I do.  At least that's the impression I got from reading your reply to Wood's post.  I have always been the type to just write the story.  I don't look back until the story is finished.  The advice of Stephen King is great advice.  Write the story and then let it mellow before you do anything.  For me the editing process is the second phase of writing a book.  I just find it easier to edit after the story has been written.  I know it's not better or worse than writing slowly and meticulously, editing as you go.  Just my style.

I think Bill did a good job addressing the hard on.  I'll add my two cents.  First you should know this, and I'm not so sure it's true for all men, just been my experience.  I never get a boner while standing up unless I'm naked or fixin to get naked if you know what I mean.  It is common, especially for teenagers, to get a random boner for no reason, but it always happens while sitting down.  I have never been standing there and poped wood.  The older you get, the rarer it is to get a random boner, but they still happen, and they have no apparent cause mentally. 

Let me say this...and this is what I disliked about the story.  The way the boner was presented made an otherwise upstanding fellow appear to be a pervert.  I imagine a pedophile would walk around with a boner.  and that's the impression that I got of him.  I was sympothetic to his demise.  I was feeling for the guy, and that made him more real to me.  I respect his business sense and the fact that he is a dedicated father.  Lesser men would not give a shit.  My point is that Pete is very likable. 

So the boner, and then the lunch.  It felt like you were describing a date.  Like what a guy would be thinking while on a date...not a business meeting.  You make him look very desperate for female attention.  In a way he feels stripped of something because of that.  I would expect him to not be looking for a romantic interest with her, just business.  I don't know where you are going with the relationship...I mean I know they get married eventually.  Hmmm...not to sure how to pin point the problem.  I just think it would be better if she showed an interest in him first.  You know catch his attention before he starts thinking the way you had him thinking.  I know he was very impressed with her voice, and a voice can do that to be sure.  He just comes off like he has no game at all.  Like he doesn't know his way around a woman.  Maybe you want him to appear that way?  I don't know, and if you do than you have done a great job.  Being that he's the MC, I would like him more if he was confident.  Maybe that's just the male in me.  I want to look up to a guy who knows what he is doing with women.  It makes the character more of an alpha male.  Still...I don't know where you are going with him, so I have probably already said to much.

I will say that I am completey intrigued with your work.  It's a great story.  I can't wait to see how it is a dystopian, how it all shakes down, and that is the mark of a good story.  I wish I could take up were you left off and write it myself.  I've been thinking about writing a dystopian PO novel for about a year, but I've been too busy with work and advancing in my profession.  Keep up the good work IB.  Thanks for sharing with us.
« Last Edit: May 19, 2009, 06:44:04 PM by luciddreams » Logged

If all economists were laid end to end, they [still] would not reach a conclusion. – George Bernard Shaw
Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 16 Print 
« previous next »
Jump to:  

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.16 :: SMF © 2006-2009, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!