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Author Topic: Excerpts from my post-oil dystopian novel  (Read 37039 times)
Andy R
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« Reply #180 on: August 04, 2009, 03:57:49 AM »

This story keeps getting better!
I agree with carwoods observations about the male's thoughts being how women wish he would think - but the reason I picked up on that was his observaton about the jewelry - or lack thereof - and the assertion that emeralds would be perfect.
From a guy perspective, I have a hard time envisioning that observaton coming from someone like Pete.

Here's a nitpick, but it also jumped out at me.
In the story of the snowstorm, you mentioned Pete hauling a half cord of firewood into the house to a rack next to th fireplace.
A half cord of wood weighs over a ton an takes up an area 4ft x 4 ft x 4 ft. And is generally enough to last a couple weeks in a fireplace.
So maybe "a load" of firewood would be a more representative description.
Can't wait for chapters 31 and on...
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« Reply #181 on: August 05, 2009, 11:27:36 PM »

Okay, guys. More drive-by posting. Smiley

The critiques have been addresssed and the corrections are now found in the new renderings of these same chapters out in my blogspot blog. And those kinds of critiques are EXACTLY what I need, especially where you guys all pretty much agreed that I had strayed the line into the forbidden zone of Harlequin Romance territory. I do want to keep SOME romance in it, but Harlequin caliber is not alowed, so thak you for catching me as I wandered over there without realizing it.

One (otherwise valid) complaint I'd like to ask you guys to bear with me on: Yes, Pete is ignorant of Peak Oil. The point of this novel is to preach to "the unintiated," so Pete needs to reperesent people who don't know --even plumbers. Pete is supposed to be the character that the uinitiated identify with as he becomes educated on Peak Oil himself--even though he is a plumber. (I'll be bettin' that good old Joe the Plumber Werzelbacher doesn't know about Peak Oil.) 

More chapters tonight!  Keep those critiques coming. Smiley

And as for tonight's chapters ... I am geting into the technical aspects of Peak Oil itself (finally) in this chapter. So I need you guys to totally correct any little tiny mistakes I might have made in my data (and I'm sure there are plenty). So here's where you guys can take out the fine toothed combs and really scruitinze my facts. 






As for my mom ...

She has been moved out of ICU into a special intermediate care unit designed to help ween peope off the ventilator. Her kidneys are doing well. But her intestines still aren't fuctioning right.

Thaks for all your kind thoughts and prayers.




 
« Last Edit: August 06, 2009, 12:18:16 AM by Innocent Byproduct » Logged

"This is an emergency far worse than World War I and World War II put together." --Sir Richard Branson

"The airlines in this sector are really the canaries in the coal mine." --J Kunstler

"This is the first scenario I've seen where I question the survivability of mankind." --R Rainwater
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« Reply #182 on: August 05, 2009, 11:28:09 PM »

CHAPTER THIRTY

::EDIT::


I've now moved this chapter to my Blogspot blog. If you want to read it,
go to this link. If you want to comment on this chapter, you must backtrack
here to KunstlerCast again and comment in this thread.




« Last Edit: August 11, 2009, 11:51:37 PM by Innocent Byproduct » Logged

"This is an emergency far worse than World War I and World War II put together." --Sir Richard Branson

"The airlines in this sector are really the canaries in the coal mine." --J Kunstler

"This is the first scenario I've seen where I question the survivability of mankind." --R Rainwater
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« Reply #183 on: August 05, 2009, 11:29:40 PM »

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

::EDIT::


I've now moved this chapter to my Blogspot blog. If you want to read it,
go to this link. If you want to comment on this chapter, you must backtrack
here to KunstlerCast again and comment in this thread.



« Last Edit: August 11, 2009, 11:54:56 PM by Innocent Byproduct » Logged

"This is an emergency far worse than World War I and World War II put together." --Sir Richard Branson

"The airlines in this sector are really the canaries in the coal mine." --J Kunstler

"This is the first scenario I've seen where I question the survivability of mankind." --R Rainwater
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« Reply #184 on: August 07, 2009, 04:29:36 AM »


Regarding your Dr. Blackmail scene, during our morning tech meeting today I determined that 50% of the field personnel in my division carry dedicated digital voice recorders on them at work. For the burner service guys it's 100%, since it's a hard button feature of the windows mobile smartphones they're using.I didn't put it up for a vote, but if anyone ever said anything like Dr. Badguy said to our hero,  the consensus seems to be that a call would be placed to the front desk to file a report- He who files a report first gets to be the complainant, and the other guy gets to be the scumbag, usually.
 Secondly, regarding the secret bunker, it occurs to me that your protagonist would maybe know, in his interior monologue, that your New Jersey style facility has tanks that big because they are sized off the wetbarrel contract, in multiples of 420,000 gallons. Real players think in barrels, and dumb it down into gallons for us idiot retailers. Those big tanks are sized  for taking delivery of various multiples of the standard 1000 barrel contract. Little guys do everything in multiples of truck volume, or, rarely, rail car volume.
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carwood
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« Reply #185 on: August 10, 2009, 01:42:11 PM »

Whew!  The explanation of oil's contribution to history and its loss for our future history is very awesome.  Excellent job!  Excellent explanation of the techno-fixers not getting it. 

Alas, also confirms the choice I made to relocate where I am and the years I have spent working towards self-sufficiency, initially due to poverty and now due to increasing gasoline cost. 

Funny, my starting life pre-industrial, i.e., no electricity and little money for gasoline and ending it possibly the same way if I live another few years.  I daily ask myself that if gasoline went to $15/gal would I have what I need?  The only question is whether my household pipes would burst if the house stayed unheated in 0 deg F. 

Amazing job, IB, and the response of someone facing the realities of the future for the first time is very good I thought.  Horror and disbelief--while holding on to the idea that if it were true, somebody somewhere would have solved the problem already or getting about to.  Steam power might also be viable for a while.  I have watched the nonthinkers for years, cut off major amounts of biomass in terms of juniper cedar and burn it.  I hope to live long enough that steam power makes every one of these morons regret their foolishness.  I have all my biomass ready for the impending deforestation of what is left of wood power left on earth.

I will post a visual representation of this later.
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Innocent Byproduct
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« Reply #186 on: August 12, 2009, 12:01:47 AM »

Logan, thanks for the insider information. Smiley The voice recorder won't be a factor in my plotline -- mostly because it would screw up my plotline (hee hee!  Wink ) but also because it makes no sense for a one-man-show like Pete to even have that kind of equipment. Meanwhile, the knowledge of oil units and standard tank capacities is the helpful kind of insider info I can always count on your to provide for me. Smiley

Carwood, thank you again for your praise. Smiley An avid reader like yourself surely has a discriminating pallete for prose, so I appreciate the feedback. I guess this means you're also giving me a pass on the plot development of Pete's being ignorant of Peak Oil. Grin


Meanwhile I did do some minor tweaking of these latest chapters (the tweaking never ends). But ... on to the next chapters. Tonight. Smiley



« Last Edit: August 12, 2009, 12:04:25 AM by Innocent Byproduct » Logged

"This is an emergency far worse than World War I and World War II put together." --Sir Richard Branson

"The airlines in this sector are really the canaries in the coal mine." --J Kunstler

"This is the first scenario I've seen where I question the survivability of mankind." --R Rainwater
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« Reply #187 on: August 12, 2009, 12:28:22 AM »

Chapter 32 is a long one. Maybe even boring, so let me know ....



CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

::EDIT::


I've now moved this chapter to my Blogspot blog. If you want to read it,
go to this link. If you want to comment on this chapter, you must backtrack
here to KunstlerCast again and comment in this thread.

« Last Edit: August 17, 2009, 10:26:15 PM by Innocent Byproduct » Logged

"This is an emergency far worse than World War I and World War II put together." --Sir Richard Branson

"The airlines in this sector are really the canaries in the coal mine." --J Kunstler

"This is the first scenario I've seen where I question the survivability of mankind." --R Rainwater
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« Reply #188 on: August 12, 2009, 12:30:02 AM »

The second of two chapters tonight. Be forewarned -- strong PG-13 rating here, bordering on an R.



CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
 
::EDIT::


I've now moved this chapter to my Blogspot blog. If you want to read it,
go to this link. If you want to comment on this chapter, you must backtrack
here to KunstlerCast again and comment in this thread.

« Last Edit: August 17, 2009, 10:26:44 PM by Innocent Byproduct » Logged

"This is an emergency far worse than World War I and World War II put together." --Sir Richard Branson

"The airlines in this sector are really the canaries in the coal mine." --J Kunstler

"This is the first scenario I've seen where I question the survivability of mankind." --R Rainwater
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« Reply #189 on: August 12, 2009, 12:30:24 AM »

Last chapter for tongiht.




CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

::EDIT::


I've now moved this chapter to my Blogspot blog. If you want to read it,
go to this link. If you want to comment on this chapter, you must backtrack
here to KunstlerCast again and comment in this thread.

« Last Edit: August 17, 2009, 10:27:17 PM by Innocent Byproduct » Logged

"This is an emergency far worse than World War I and World War II put together." --Sir Richard Branson

"The airlines in this sector are really the canaries in the coal mine." --J Kunstler

"This is the first scenario I've seen where I question the survivability of mankind." --R Rainwater
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« Reply #190 on: August 16, 2009, 03:24:21 AM »

The story is coming along nicely, IB.  But I still think Peter pays way too much attention to perfume, jewelry, clothes, etc.  Personally, I judge women by their gait and whether they wear comfortable (i.e. sensible) shoes.   Even more so if I knew they were carrying some injury.  Women dress up for women including herself, or didn't you know?  While the shoe thing varies between men, you describe the shoe color but not the shoe type especially the heel; I think a man would not do that.

I think you need to describe better some of her grimacing / difficulty in sitting in a chair and perhaps the difficulty in wheeling a chair across a room.
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carwood
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« Reply #191 on: August 17, 2009, 07:16:44 PM »

It would rather surprise me that Peter had knowledge of peak oil.  Most people have no clue because of the oil corporations ownership of the mass media.  Even when they advertise impending shortages, they advertise that they are working on easily obtainable alternatives.  It is only those of us with a slight case of paranoia that search out alternative media on the internet.  Most of us are glued to our satellite or cable or broadcast TVs where all is well and good with no adverse anything other than businesses having to pay for so-called "health" care.

One of the first things I got rid of when I lived alone through widowhood or divorce are dresses with zippers in the back.  I would think an independent woman like our heroine would have done the same.  Of course, she is still in the age of wanting a male/female relationship so I guess she would attempt to still look alluring. 

The thing I wonder about is even the possibility of any kind of sexual relations with broken ribs.  I have never had one so I don't know.  All I do know is that I gave up intercourse about 10 years ago because my right hip arthritis caused a severe muscle contraction nearing climax that was so painful it took me back to non-arousal, i.e., back and forth, so it became too frustrating. 
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kevinm
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« Reply #192 on: August 17, 2009, 07:58:31 PM »

All I do know is that I gave up intercourse about 10 years ago because my right hip arthritis caused a severe muscle contraction nearing climax that was so painful it took me back to non-arousal, i.e., back and forth, so it became too frustrating. 

Car - you're making me blush!  Does this mean you can last all night? Shocked
(sorry - couldn't resist!)
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« Reply #193 on: August 17, 2009, 10:53:17 PM »

The story is coming along nicely, IB.  But I still think Peter pays way too much attention to perfume, jewelry, clothes, etc.  Personally, I judge women by their gait and whether they wear comfortable (i.e. sensible) shoes.   Even more so if I knew they were carrying some injury.  Women dress up for women including herself, or didn't you know?  While the shoe thing varies between men, you describe the shoe color but not the shoe type especially the heel; I think a man would not do that.

I think you need to describe better some of her grimacing / difficulty in sitting in a chair and perhaps the difficulty in wheeling a chair across a room.

Okay, so I gotta get some more testosterone flowing here, eh? (More guy-interviews slated for later then.) My sister-in-law read it a few weeks ago and while she totally liked the story (she said she was so disappointed when she got to page 200 and everything just stopped!) she likewise felt Pete was too feminine. She works in New York City in the fashion industry as a stylist for photogtraphy shoots, and as such she works alongside a lot of men in that industry whom she would describe as having far more femininity than most other men might. So she says my character Pete kept tripping her highly-attuned guy/feminine radar as she read.

And I should show more of Catherine being in pain? Okay, I'll try -- but I also want to avoid having her being a crybaby and a helpless do-nothing. Kinda like the female lead from the original 1950 movie War of the Worlds, that lady just would NOT stop screaming! It got annoying after a while (and when Stephen Spielberg did his remake four years ago, he quite lovingly decided to pay homage to that one ridiculous character flaw by having the Dakota Fanning character incessantly scream all through that movie).   Smiley



 
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"This is an emergency far worse than World War I and World War II put together." --Sir Richard Branson

"The airlines in this sector are really the canaries in the coal mine." --J Kunstler

"This is the first scenario I've seen where I question the survivability of mankind." --R Rainwater
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« Reply #194 on: August 17, 2009, 11:02:19 PM »

It would rather surprise me that Peter had knowledge of peak oil.  Most people have no clue because of the oil corporations ownership of the mass media.  Even when they advertise impending shortages, they advertise that they are working on easily obtainable alternatives.  It is only those of us with a slight case of paranoia that search out alternative media on the internet.  Most of us are glued to our satellite or cable or broadcast TVs where all is well and good with no adverse anything other than businesses having to pay for so-called "health" care.

Okay--one positive vote in favor of my allowing for Pete to be utterly ignorant of Peak Oil. Smiley  (And I aghree about TV cow-towing to the oil companies. Even PBS!! Eeh--gads! PBS runs this one annoying 60-second spot every night right after The News Hour with Jim Lehrer! That spot (I think it's by BP) dismisses Peak Oil as a great big who-knows? sort of a non-issue. Burns me up wheneever I see it.



One of the first things I got rid of when I lived alone through widowhood or divorce are dresses with zippers in the back.  I would think an independent woman like our heroine would have done the same.  Of course, she is still in the age of wanting a male/female relationship so I guess she would attempt to still look alluring. 


I am a single woman, so I also avoid dresses with zippers up the back. But ... her husband has only been dead for two-and-a-half months now. So she hasn't cleaned out her wardrobe yet this year. Wink




The thing I wonder about is even the possibility of any kind of sexual relations with broken ribs.  I have never had one so I don't know.   

I pondered it myself. But it's necessarry for the plot that they have sex, so ... they did. Grin



(And sorry to hear about your arthritis! Yikes! That totally sucks!)
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"This is an emergency far worse than World War I and World War II put together." --Sir Richard Branson

"The airlines in this sector are really the canaries in the coal mine." --J Kunstler

"This is the first scenario I've seen where I question the survivability of mankind." --R Rainwater
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